It's been a while..8:48 PM
Well, I've decided to give this blog another try.. Why? Because I can. I don't want to waste anymore time thinking instead of doing. I've learnt that I should cherish every moment that I have, weather it's good or bad. During the past year, I have been through hell of a roller coaster ride. I've never experienced something so real. It's like I've been trapped in this hole for so long thinking that it was normal to accept no comfort, no support, nor any type of reassurance about how the other person felt towards me. I thought it was normal to feel down all the time thinking that I wasn't good enough. I thought that it was okay for someone to talk down on me and doubt me. Everything I did was always wrong. I'm not judging anyone, and I guess maybe that's they're way of showing love towards someone, but that was never the case for me. I don't care if it's your lover or friend or family or even enemy, but everyone should feel like they're loved and be reminded of it no matter what. Everyone deserves to know where they stand. I never knew that I would and could receive so much in return. It feels good to know that this does exist within a bond outside of a family. What's meant to be will always find its way, so they say. I think the best word that could describe how I felt at the beginning, and sometimes still feel, is overwhelmed. I haven't been treated equally or the way one should have been in a while, so it is hard to comprehend why someone would treat me so well. I sure did forgot how good it felt! Now, just because everything is amazing doesn't mean it can't make you panic. It can be very overwhelming. I tend to bottle up my feelings just because I'm so getting scared of getting the same responses that I've had before. I wouldn't make decisions on things or voice my opinion because I never really had that option. Thankfully, I've been getting amazing support and comfort. It's going to take some time to fully open up, but it will happen. I've never felt so wanted.. This makes me want to live in the moment and photograph everything I possibly can. I will try to be more adventurous. I want to feel something. I want to start being productive during my free time instead of laying down dead on the bed (like I am doing right now; oh the irony). Therefore, I am going to get a journal/planner to write down what needs and has to be done. I tend to forget things easily so this should help. Also, for anyone that finds it hard to share or express your feelings, writing it down in a journal will definitely help. There will be days when you feel empty and not want to do anything, but all you have to do is give it a go. Think outside the box. Surround yourself with people who will motivate you to grow and achieve into doing what you want.